What nobody tells you about sex after baby

You’ve had your six week checkup and gotten the green light to have sex again after birth. Okay, well…now what?

Aside from the occasional jokes about over-eager husbands (hey, women have sex drives too) and horror stories about how bad it’s going to hurt, you don’t really hear much about what it’s really like to have sex after baby. We’re going to have a pretty frank discussion about sex and the things nobody tells you about how that works post-baby, so feel free to skip this one if that’s not your thing.

sex after baby
Are we sure that light is actually green? Can it be yellow instead? How about red? Am I even ready for this? Ahhhh!

Just because your OB clears you for sexual activity doesn’t mean you have to jump in before you’re ready.

As always when it comes to intimacy with your partner, communication is important. When you are ready, it’s okay to feel a little apprehensive. While it might be a little uncomfortable the first time or two, sex after baby doesn’t have to hurt, and if it hurts for more than two weeks after you’ve started back, talk with your doctor. That pain isn’t normal and you may need pelvic physiotherapy to help address the underlying problem.

Lube is your friend.

No, really. #allthelube. Those first few times, don’t be afraid to lubricate with abandon, even if that wasn’t your norm before. Breastfeeding and other hormone changes can cause vaginal dryness, which can in turn cause discomfort during intercourse. If you’re using condoms, remember to choose a water-based condom-safe lube to be on the safe side.

Don’t skip the foreplay.

Your body has been through a lot, and pregnancy changes things down there even if you didn’t deliver vaginally. Going slow with lots of massage (remember, lube is your new BFF), especially in the perineal area, will help you relax and enjoy yourself more. Even if you aren’t quite ready to jump back into sex with penetration yet, massage and taking the time to connect with your partner is never a bad call.

If you’re a partner reading this, some new turn-ons to add to your repertoire are helping make sure mom is rested, has had a chance to shower, and putting in some extra help with household tasks. Real talk: it’s hard to get in the mood when you’re exhausted, covered in spit-up, and thinking about all the things that need to get done around the house.

Your boobs might leak.

If you’re breastfeeding, you might experience some leaking during sex or orgasm.  That’s normal, and throwing down a towel before things really get going is a good idea. If it’s close to your baby’s next feeding, you might be a little engorged and any position that puts pressure against your breasts might feel uncomfortable. Your nipples will probably feel sensitive and it could be awhile before they have another purpose besides feeding your baby. They’ll adjust to their dual-purpose life soon enough.

You’re going to get interrupted.

Nothing kills the mood quite like a screaming baby.

It’s going to happen, and nobody really talks about how strange that can be for first-time parents. It’s hard to flip the switch from “sexy time” to “oh wait, I have to parent now” and back again. You may have to stop in the middle, tend to your baby, and get back to things, or your baby might thwart that plan entirely. Be patient with yourself if you find that switch difficult and have trouble getting back into the mood.

You will get used to it as your adorable interrupter gets bigger and keeps interrupting (That’s a thing now, btw. They will keep doing that- ask a fellow parent). Chalk it up to the joys of parenting, laugh it off, and try again soon. If you haven’t already, this might be a good time to start helping your baby get used to sleeping in their crib. Even if you aren’t ready to transition full-time, having the option to start there is handy.

Get creative!

The end of a long day of momming might not be the best time for you to have sex right now. Morning or afternoon may be better for you if your partner is available. Baby asleep in your room? Get creative with other locations. Intimacy is important, and sometimes as a parent you have to get it when you can and where you can. Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out. Have fun!

 

The Six Week Checkup

The six week checkup is the last vestige of your pregnancy and an important appointment you don’t want to miss.

Besides the much-anticipated (or feared) “all-clear,” what’s the point? We’ll break it down for you so that you can get the most out of your appointment.

six week checkup postpartum

Why six weeks?

That initial post-birth Mack Truck feeling has subsided, you’ve stopped bleeding, you might even be getting a little more sleep (if not, we have a doula for that!), and you’re starting to get used to your new post-baby body.  You’re entertaining the thought of having sex again one day. Maybe. You might feel fine, but remember that birth left a placenta-sized wound in your uterus, and that wound takes around six weeks to fully heal. Introducing anything into the vagina before then increases your likelihood of infection, which is the last thing you need with a newborn to care for!

What happens during the six week checkup?

During your visit, your OB/GYN will sit down with you and ask you questions about your postpartum recovery. If you have any questions about your delivery, now is a good time to ask. If you had any kind of perineal or internal tearing, or had a cesarean delivery, your OB may want to take a look to make sure everything is healed correctly.

If you are struggling with incontinence or pain, you can ask your OB for a referral to a pelvic physiotherapist to help get your muscles back in shape.

Your OB will discuss contraception with you if you are trying to avoid another pregnancy. Remember, you can ovulate before you have that first period, and breastfeeding is not a reliable form of birth control.

Your OB will also give you a questionnaire called the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale to screen you for any kind of postpartum mood disorders.

About that postpartum depression questionnaire…

The Edinburgh Scale is a tool to screen for postpartum mood disorders, but don’t be afraid to speak up if you’re struggling but don’t identify with the questions. Your mental health as a postpartum mother is extremely important, and your OB is there to help. If you feel like you would like medication, most OB/GYNs are familiar with standard first-line treatments. He or she may want to monitor you for hormone changes as well.

Having a baby isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it’s loneliness, scary thoughts, mood swings, anxiety, feeling hopeless and misunderstood, resentment, crying spells, or a whole host of other not-fun symptoms.

Please hear us when we tell you that you do NOT have to struggle alone. Your feelings aren’t silly or insignificant and you matter! There are moms who have been there and there is help available. If you are in Memphis, Appleseeds, Inc. is a local non-profit that specializes in maternal mental health and provides affordable individual therapy, support groups, and workshops.

Should I bring my baby?

Up to you! Your OB/GYN and staff will probably be thrilled to meet your baby and see how much they’ve changed since birth. This is a fun photo-op, especially if you have a great relationship with your doctor. If you feel like you want to take that time for yourself without any distractions, there’s nothing wrong with that! Your partner or a friend/family member can keep the baby or go with you, or your postpartum doula can help if you prefer.

You don’t have to wait six weeks

If you have a question or a concern before six weeks, don’t wait! Call and make an appointment if you feel like something needs to be addressed before your scheduled six week visit.

 

 

 

How to diaper a newborn | Bitty Baby Basics

Diapering a baby seems pretty straightforward, right? Ask a new parent and you’ll find that’s not quite the case.

Sure, the basic concept is simple, but how do you know if you’ve got the right fit, if you’re using the right size, common culprits for those pesky leaks and blowouts? And what’s the deal with cloth diapers? We’re talking about diapering in part 3 of our Bitty Baby Basics Facebook Live video series with our tiny newborn co-host (who had a lot to say this time!) and co-owner Lindsey Hanna.

How to make sure your baby’s diaper fits

When checking for fit with a disposable diaper, you want to make sure that the waist is neither too loose nor too tight. A good rule of thumb is that you should be able to fit your finger between the diaper and the baby, but not much else. The legs should have no gaps, and make sure you have fanned out the elastic so that it’s not inside the diaper. If you have a boy, make sure the penis is pointed down or the diaper will leak out the top. The gussets in a diaper are the protective barrier and what keeps the poop off of your baby’s clothes ;).

It’s time to size up when the diaper fits well, but you start to experience leaks and blowouts. With longer, leaner babies you may start to see a bit of “plumber’s crack” as they outgrow the diaper in length, and with more chunky babies you might see their bottoms coming out the sides at the leg. When you size up, or if you’re between sizes, make sure the diaper is tight around the waist to ensure that there aren’t any gaps in the leg.

What’s the deal with cloth diapers?

Cloth diaper tutorials abound online, but in our video we give a basic overview of different kinds of cloth diapers available.

All-in-one diapers: The diaper is in one piece, and there’s nothing to stuff. It goes on much like a disposable and can only be used once. All-in-ones are available in both newborn and one-size diapers for bigger babies.

Pocket diapers: These diapers have a soft inner layer and can be stuffed with an insert or other absorbent materials. You can find them with snaps or velcro closure, and they are highly adjustable to your growing baby. A standard one-size pocket diaper will last your baby from the disposable equivalent of size 1-2 all the way up to size 6! With a one-size pocket diaper, there are snaps to adjust both the waist/leg and the rise of diaper (how tall it is).

Newborn pocket diapers: A smaller version of the pocket diaper. These will often come with a couple of settings and last from about 8lbs and until 3-4 months old.

Diaper cover: In our video, we show a one-size diaper cover. There is no soft inner layer and you place your baby’s diaper directly onto the waterproof layer and against the baby’s skin. You can put absorbent material in a cover, or put it over a disposable to prevent blowouts.  Options to go in a cover include an insert made of cotton, bamboo, or charcoal bamboo, prefolds, and flats/flour sack towels. Prefolds and flat diapers can be folded to lay in or folded and fastened onto your baby.

How to swaddle a newborn | Bitty Baby Basics

 Learn how to swaddle a newborn with Bitty Baby Basics: A Newborn Care How-to Series (Facebook Live)!

If you’re a new parent or parent-to-be and don’t have much experience with newborns, this series is for you. Caring for a live, wiggling newborn is a whole new ballgame compared to the demo dolls you may have encountered in parenting classes. We’ll be taking time during this Live series to highlight different aspects of baby care, with our own newborn baby to demonstrate so that you can have a glimpse into what it’s really like. We’ll share our tips and tricks so that you can feel confident with your bitty bundle!

Swaddling is a skill that often leaves new parents feeling frustrated.

We’ll de-mystify it for you in this video and show you how to do a basic swaddle with an aden+anais muslin swaddle blanket, how to use a SwaddleMe velcro swaddle, and sleep sacks for when your baby is too big to swaddle anymore.

Help! My baby doesn’t like to to be swaddled!

Yes they do. Sure, some babies legitimately don’t like being swaddled, but in our experience most of the time it’s not that the baby hates a swaddle. There’s a learning curve and a poorly-done swaddle is often rejected by a newborn who just wants to be snug as a bug in a rug. Here’s some tips to remember:

Babies don’t like getting swaddled. They like being swaddled.

Don’t worry if your baby fusses and complains while you’re swaddling with them. If you’ve done it correctly, then your baby should be easy to soothe quickly after you finish.

Your swaddle probably isn’t tight enough.

No, you aren’t going to hurt your baby. Chances are your baby doesn’t like the swaddle because it’s not tight enough. Muslin in particular is a very stretchy material that gives almost immediately after you let it go, which means you have to pull it much tighter initially so that when you tuck that last tail in, the fabric relaxes into a comfortable snugness for your baby. Same goes with the “cheater” velcro swaddles.

Don’t swaddle once you see signs of rolling, or phase it out if your baby is 8 weeks old or more.

If you have a very young newborn, think 1-3 weeks, you might see them roll to their side naturally when you put them down. This is an infantile reflex and not the rolling you are looking for. Once your baby shows signs of rolling from front to back or back to front, it’s important to stop swaddling immediately. A baby who is swaddled cannot turn themselves back over and is at risk for suffocation.

Skip the blankets in the crib and move from a swaddle to a sleep sack.

Blankets in the crib are another big hazard for small babies, so it’s best to save them for snuggling. When your baby graduates from a swaddle, move them to a wearable blanket called a sleep sack. These are made by many different companies, including Halo, aden+anais, IKEA, Gerber, Carter’s etc… they are easy to find, easy to use, and safe for your baby. Make sure you don’t put your baby in a sleep sack that is too big.

How to dress a newborn | Bitty Baby Basics

Bitty Baby Basics: A Newborn Care How-to Series (Facebook Live)

If you’re a new parent or parent-to-be and don’t have much experience with newborns, this series is for you. Caring for a live, wiggling newborn is a whole new ballgame compared to the demo dolls you may have encountered in parenting classes. We’ll be taking time on the Doulas of Memphis Facebook Page during this Live series to highlight different aspects of baby care, with our own newborn baby to demonstrate so that you can have a glimpse into what it’s really like. We’ll share our tips and tricks so that you can feel confident with your bitty bundle!

In our first video, we talk about how to dress those sweet scrunched-up squishes with confidence and ease, and whatever else we encounter along the way.

Our #1 Rule for Dressing a Newborn: Don’t hesitate!

Many parents fear they’re going to hurt their baby if they dress them too quickly, so they take their time and try to be as gentle as possible. While this is well-intentions, it also has the result of making newborn babies really, really mad. You don’t have to be rough to be firm and efficient! You won’t break the baby, we promise! Watch to learn more:

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Will my doula advocate for me?

One of the things we hear most frequently when we speak with birth clients is that they are looking for an advocate to be there with them at their birth. The word advocate is a sort-of buzz word in the birth world that many associate with the role of a doula. This word is peppered throughout blogs, articles, and documentaries, but what does it mean?

An advocate, when used as a noun, is (a) someone who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy, or (b) a person who pleads on someone else’s behalf. In other words, an advocate is someone who speaks for you.

A doula can’t advocate for you in the literal sense of the word because as doulas, we have no legal right to speak for you in regards to your medical care. However, what we’ve found is that women don’t want someone to speak for them, but rather to feel like their voices are heard.

Many women want an advocate at their birth because of a fear of not being heard or respected.

Perhaps you’ve given birth before and felt confused, rushed, or pressured into decisions or interventions. Maybe those things needed to happen, but you felt detached and excluded from the process. This can cause trauma for some, and/or the desire for something different next time.

If this is your first baby, you may have heard negative stories and want to do everything you can to make sure this doesn’t happen to you.

If your doula isn’t your advocate, then what is she? What can a doula do that will help birthing families feel confident that their voices are heard during a vulnerable time like childbirth?

Doulas are relationship builders

Your relationship with us begins when you contact us and continues throughout your pregnancy and birth. Your doulas spend time getting to know you, your family, your needs, and your preferences. You trust us with your thoughts and feelings, and to support you as you bring a new baby into the world. This relationship is important to us, and so is the relationship you’ve built with your OB/GYN.

advocate

 

Since we’ve established positive relationships with hospitals and OB/GYNs, we can support you during labor with a foundation of trust that your doula is always working as part of a team to help you have the best birth possible for you.

Doulas facilitate communication

During pregnancy, we can help you learn how to effectively communicate your needs and preferences with your doctor. At our prenatal meeting, we take time to make sure everyone is on the same page and that you go into labor feeling prepared. During labor, we can help you understand the process, encourage you to talk through your options, and remind you that it’s okay to ask questions about your care.

We understand the process and can help translate if you’re feeling confused. Your doula can also help you be more comfortable while keeping safety in mind by checking with nurses regarding position changes and other things that may effect their ability to care for you in labor. We love to collaborate with nurses and draw from their knowledge and experience!

Doulas remain constant

During pregnancy, you speak with your OB/GYN every few weeks. During labor, your nurses will spend an average of 4-7 minutes per visit to your room, which doesn’t leave much time for individualized care, and you may labor through a shift change. Your doctor may check in periodically, but you likely won’t see much of them until delivery approaches.

In an unfamiliar environment, your doula is a constant, familiar face. Since we aren’t responsible for your medical care, we have time to focus on you and your other needs. We listen and encourage. We help instill confidence that your voice is powerful and that you and your partner have everything you need to use it.

Perhaps you don’t need an advocate after all.

 

 

How Hard Could It Be?

When I had my first baby, it was the first time I had ever seen a newborn in person. I’d changed maybe two diapers, ever. In short, I was clueless.

My husband, John, helped his mom run her in-home daycare when he was younger. As far as I was concerned, he would be a diaper changing pro! The rest of the stuff like holding a baby, or soothing them, well, he’d probably remember it. Like riding a bike or something, right? Never mind the fact that he was a child when he did all this (seriously, what was I thinking?)

I had family in town. My own mother, in fact, lived just a few minutes away. And this was her first grandchild, so of course she’d be over all the time and would help fill in any blanks.

So Rex came out, we all got cleaned up and tucked into bed to rest, and suddenly, my husband and I were alone with a brand new baby.

I remember thinking it was a little bit ridiculous that we were expected to be able to take care of this baby without any practice or formal knowledge, completely responsible for someone else’s WHOLE LIFE. I mean, sure, people have been doing this since the beginning of time, but WE had never done it before!

I’m pretty good at rolling with whatever comes my way, so we jumped right in.

John was great at helping with diapers. We might have eaten more take-out than I cared to, but that was ok. My mom was happy to spend her free time with her first grandbaby. But she had to work, too. And eventually, John had to return to work.

Nights were relatively easy – John was home, even if I did feel bad waking him up to help me when I felt overwhelmed, knowing he had to work in the morning. Sometimes I woke him up on purpose, just because I was so irritated at being woken up yet again, and hey, this is his kid, too. (I love you, dear!)

Days were another story.

I was tired but unable to nap

“Sleep when the baby sleeps” is impossible when you feel compelled to clean house and get the chores caught up. Or shower. Or eat.

I was bored out of my mind

Babies don’t make great conversationalists. Who knew?

I was jealous

My husband got to actually go spend time outside the house talking with other adults, even if they were just coworkers, and the only other place he went was work.

I was jealous that other people were able to take care of themselves, their children, and their homes, apparently without breaking a sweat.

I suddenly didn’t feel comfortable or confident

It took more energy than I ever thought just to pack the baby up and get him into the car, and nursing in public or dealing with a crying baby in public was just too much, so I never went anywhere. I used to be a smart, career-minded woman, an organized go-getter. How had this small person reduced me to this? Why didn’t anyone warn me?

I needed a postpartum doula. If only I had known there was such a thing.

Magical postpartum doula fairy
The postpartum doulas you hire won’t have wings, but you’ll swear they have magic sleeping baby fairy dust.

Abby says postpartum doulas are like a fairy godmother, and I have to agree.

Postpartum doulas are the women who have seen it all, so they are great troubleshooters when things aren’t going well.

They are the ones who let you sleep (or shower!) while they magically take care of the baby AND get some of your chores checked off, or get dinner started so your husband can relax, too.

The wonderful postpartum doulas I know are also the best listeners. You’d be amazed at how easy they are to talk to – so understanding, so loving and caring, and somehow they always leave you feeling content and refreshed. That’s way more than I can say for some of the friends and relatives that visited after Rex was born!

Postpartum doulas are more popular now than ever, and for good reason. Doulas of Memphis offers some of the very best doulas in the area, and they are worth their weight in gold.

Scheduling a consultation is quick and easy, and you’ll be so glad you did it.

Can I Give Up a Natural Birth?

Have you always imagined you’d give birth naturally, but are realizing now that, for whatever reason, natural birth just isn’t in the cards this time?

Maybe you have a medical condition that prevents you from having a natural birth – it could be placenta previa, or a breech baby, or maybe there’s concern over how well the baby could handle labor, to name a few common examples.

Is it ok to accept that a natural birth isn’t in your future?

Sure, you could stand on your head for hours a day, or do special moves in the swimming pool, or any of the other hundreds of suggestions for getting a breech baby to flip around – but what if none of them work for you? And what if you just don’t feel like trying yet another trick you heard worked for your coworker’s friend?

poolside lemonade
Set aside your worries – enjoy your time poolside!

 

What if the thought of one more positive visualization imagining your placenta moving out of the way makes you want to throw things across the room? Is it ok to just stop?

Can you feel good about accepting this change in your plans?

Absolutely.

If natural birth has always been your goal, it can be a hard mental shift to accepting that your reality may involve more medical intervention than you want. But you can do it. In fact, it’s ok to make that shift. It’s ok to embrace a new outlook, and look forward with anticipation instead of dread.

I’ll repeat, because it’s so important: it is absolutely, always, 100% ok for you to be at peace with your decisions.

Asking yourself the following questions can help you clarify your feelings. Part of our job at Doulas of Memphis is to help you work through the answers, and to support you every step of the way, so if you don’t know us already, let’s chat!

What is it about a medicalized birth that I’m hoping to avoid?

Is it a feeling of lack of control? Are you worried that you are somehow letting your baby or your partner down? Is it important to you that you still have a voice in your experience? Are you concerned that the medical aspect will overwhelm you with questions and details?

You might have a combination of answers to this question. Once you have explored all your answers, start to think about concrete things you can do to alleviate or even eliminate your concerns. Talk about your ideas with your doula and your doctor. We both want what is best for you, and can help you with your new plans.

What will it mean about me as a person or as a parent if I have a medicalized birth?

Worded slightly differently, you might come to an answer from a different angle: what will it mean about me as a person if I don’t have a natural birth? Hopefully, you are able to see that you are a worthy and valuable person and parent, regardless of the circumstances of your baby’s birth. You deserve to feel good about your choices and your experience.

Imagine yourself birthing your baby with confidence and clarity. What do you need this time to do that?

This is a great question to ask yourself regardless! Do you need education about your new options? Do you need additional support now and during the labor? Do you just need someone who “gets it” and won’t judge as you work through your feelings and make new decisions; someone who will remind you that you are enough?

The insight gained from your answers can help you start setting the stage for a positive birth experience, even if it isn’t the one you always thought you wanted. We would love to help you every step of the way.

They don’t make doulas for this | Guest Post

So, you’ve received the news.

You need surgery on your right eye. It’s been turning inside and you’ve tried various prescriptions from multiple optometrists, but after nothing helped you went to an ophthalmologist and her expert evaluation was swift and sure.

You’ve had one surgery before, but it was very different than this one, years ago, and you can barely remember. However, after listening to the explanations you feel confident that this is what you need, though you admit to those closest to you that you’re scared and wish it wasn’t necessary. When you give your family the news, they’re very supportive. You tell them you get to go to the hospital and have a long nap and then get to stay home from school for a week.

Oh. Did I mention you’re only 7 years old?

This is the reality for my oldest daughter, Ella, right now.

At first, the news seemed quite alarming and incredibly ill timed. I am attempting to get a new business up and running, while selling my house and still keeping my family well taken care of. Now this? But as we inch closer to that looming surgery date, I’m coming to realize that it’s not about timing. I don’t have control over when things like this happen. All I can do is face them as they come, arm myself with knowledge when I’m able and trust my own ability to handle it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my few short decades on this Earth, it’s that humans are amazingly strong and incredibly adaptable.

I’ve also realized that there’s really no such thing as “good timing” when it comes to your child needing a medical procedure.

My training as a doula has actually helped me a lot in the last few weeks as I help my daughter through each emotion she faces about her upcoming surgery. So, in that sense, I’ve been glad of the timing.

With everything that’s happening in my life right now, I dearly wish to have someone to walk me through all of this. Someone who has been trained and is knowledgeable about the surgery.

Someone to talk to about the tumultuous emotions constantly changing and moving, but always hidden beneath the calm exterior.

Someone to listen, even if they say nothing, and acknowledge the difficulty.

Someone who won’t judge my tears or try to convince me not to shed them.

Maybe even someone to help with the day to day mechanics of keeping a household from falling into chaos.

And don’t get me wrong. I have a family. A very loving and supportive family. I have friends that I talk to on a regular basis. But, well…

They are all living their lives. They are busy. They have their own struggles. Some of them are caring for their own families and working their jobs. And let’s be honest, some of them don’t understand in the slightest what I am going through as a mom.

As my own unique person experiencing this in my own unique way.

Also, in my case, most of them are hundreds, if not thousands of miles away. My husband works full time (and then some) and I have more than Ella to care for. I a toddler and a preschooler who need me, a house to keep up, a family to take care of.

Let’s breakdown my reality for a moment: surprising news, intimidating change, doctors’ visits, happy family, lots of decisions… Sound a bit familiar?

I need a doula.

If you know of a Strabismus Surgery Doula, please send me his or her information… Yeah, there is no such thing. But feeling the desire, experiencing the need in my life right now, do you know what it really fuels inside me? My desire to help.

I cannot change my daughter’s need for surgery. So I will use these difficulties and challenges to grow as a person, as a mom and as a doula. Though the circumstances for my changes and the changes a new family faces are different, a lot of the emotions are the same. Being a parent isn’t all sunshine and daisies, whether you’re 7 months pregnant or your child is 7 and facing surgery.

The good news for expecting parents or new families is, there are people who literally make it their job to help and support them through those emotions and the difficult times (and even celebrate the happy ones).

We call them “doulas.”

 

Jen Southern is an affiliated doula with Doulas of Memphis. Her experiences with facing challenges with her own children have helped shape her into the compassionate, understanding, and empathetic doula she is today. 

We are all the BBC Interview Dad

If you’ve been on the internet at all today, chances are you’ve seen the viral video clip of the BBC Interview Dad who was interrupted by his small children while on a video interview with BBC One.

The general consensus is that it’s pretty hilarious, but read the comment sections and apparently BBC Interview Dad is now under keyboard scrutiny all over the world.

He “pushed” his kids away! His kids should have been more important than an interview! His wife (who is apparently also the nanny?) looks so worried! We should be worried for this family! He should have just picked up the kid and moved on! He wasn’t wearing pants! She closed the door and it obviously meant something!

BBC interview dad
Parents everywhere just trying to get stuff done. Solidarity, BBC Interview Dad.

Give me a break. Real talk, parents? We have ALL been the BBC Interview Dad.

Maybe you’re not one of the BBC’s expert on what’s happening in South Korea, but you’ve been the mom (or dad) whose children are perfect angels who play independently and quietly until the phone rings and suddenly MOMMY MOMMY MOOOOOOMMY I NEED A SNACK I NEED A DRINK HE TOOK MY TOY MY TOYS ARE DEAD TO ME AND I NEED YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION RIGHT NOW SO I’M GOING TO HAVE A MELTDOWN.

This is why we don’t answer the phone, btw. Can we just text instead? Pretty please?

Any parent who works from home knows the struggle of trying to be productive and balance kids who don’t always understand that mommy or daddy can’t play right now.

Working from home is awesome and fulfilling and it’s cool to not have to wear real pants all the time, but sometimes it’s HARD and the guilt is real. It’s a fine line, being “there but not there.” You’re hustling to provide the best for your kids and it’s cool that you get to be around them, but it’s not always conducive to productivity and concentration.

We’ve all been the mom whose kid does something unexpected (like interrupt Daddy’s BBC Interview).

We’ve all had that moment of “Oh CRAP!” and bolted across the house or the playground or the groceryto grab our kids and redirect them. I’ve been BBC Interview Dad’s wife on multiple occasions. Keeping the kids out of Daddy’s office is no easy task…in case you didn’t know, kids are FAST. Like, really fast.

We’ve also all been judged based on someone else’s brief glimpse into our lives, and if we’re being really honest, we do it, too.

The stares and whispers of “somebody needs to control their kid” during the inevitable grocery store or restaurant meltdown.

Being judged for how you feed your child, and you can’t win no matter what you do.

Insert any parenting choice here, and you get the idea. We’ve even got fun names for it like “Mommy Wars.”

It’s natural for us to jump to conclusions based on small amounts of information, but nobody likes to be on the receiving end of that kind of judgment and scrutiny.

This parenting stuff is hard enough without wondering what other people are assuming about us when they don’t have the whole picture.

Solidarity, BBC Interview Dad. Solidarity.